People often lack emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence has been debated in scientific journals. Investigator Daniel Goleman established that EI has to cover the following areas: Self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management. These are areas that are relevant to depression. Without awareness, for example, you will not know your feelings at all. Without self management you will always be in trouble because you will be unable to control and manage your emotional world. Without social awareness you will be having a hard time establishing healthy relationships with people around you because you will be unaware of their emotional world. Similarly without the ability to manage your relationships you will probably have a lot of problems with people who are around you. All of these are relevant areas that I am sure we all need to work on in order for us to be able to improve our internal world as well as our external reality (think friends, co-workers, family, etc).
When EI is not present, we still feel what we feel. I want to make sure that you understand that what you feel is always Ok. You have to respect what you are feelings. Are you feeling scared? Angry? Lonely? Misunderstood? Stressed out? It's OK to feel what you feel. Respect your feelings and do not let anyone disrespect them either. If people disrespect your feelings they are disrespecting you and that is not acceptable. So understand your feelings, ask yourself what is the cause of those feelings and where are they coming from? Have you felt the way before? Start by being curious about your internal emotional world. In this way, you are more likely to have a better understanding, awareness and perceptual control over your emotions.
Although your feelings are always Ok, you are always responsible for your actions and its derivative consequences. For instance, if you are angry, and hit someone you are responsible for hurting the “someone.” We all responsible for our actions. If you are unfaithful to your women / men and the person finds out. You are responsible for the consequences of your unfaithfulness. You are always responsible for the consequences. I am repeating it because it is important to understand that concept of responsibility. However, please understand that your feelings are always Ok, but how you act out in trying to alleviate your internal world sometimes can be damaging for yourself and in fact, often we run from ourselves. We run from what we are really feeling.
Why? Because its scary to be vulnerable. We are not used to it. It feels uncomfortable. That is why, seldom we faced our emotions. Rarely we faced the reason why we are alone and lonely. Because even though it's not ideal, it is our comfort zone. And guess what comfort zones are comfortable! That is why most of us tend to run from what is bothering us. From what we need to improved. We end up becoming expert at running at being evasive at escaping our reality. Sadly, we tend to find comfort in our pathologies How would people run you ask? Have you seen an anorexic? An alcoholic? A workaholic? Sex addict? Shopping addict?
All of these are type of pathologies that share the same root. They are acting out on feelings that they have not faced. They are running away from what they are really feelings. Many times, these people will have no clue what they are really running from. Some of them will know. But they will not know how to face their feelings. So all of these are example of level of awareness of our emotional world. That is why, is important to know and understand the magnitude of our feelings. It is definitely not easy but the rewards is to gain better control of yourself as an emotional being that you already are !!
These people are not technically alone because they always have people calling them, visiting them and so on or so forth. Or how about workaholics they are always busy with something. This latter group uses their work to try to fill something in their lives.