I have been guided to write about a subject matter that I find a bit painful to convey. The idea of this article has been churning in me for some time now, but I had to muster up the courage to look at, feel and move through a few dark places in my psyche. Not that I do not love a good deep self-examination, but it is a hard to find words to express / describe it and then to share it takes a whole new level of “big girl britches”. So as I stand in my power I will proceed knowing that inner my guidance system has never failed me.
What is joy? Who is joy? Where can I find joy? Is joy a feeling, a creation or a state of being? Can joy be given to me or can I give joy to another? Who asks these kinds of questions and why am I asking them at this time of my growth?
Many meditation, manifestation and oneness practices guide you to tap into your JOY. My understanding of this promise is that within pure JOY is a vibration (frequency) which will assist us in being a vibrational match to whatever it is that we desire! As to say JOY calls in JOY. Typically these practices will lead you through visualizations to help create the feeling of joy based on past. present or future experiences. As you focus on joyful experiences and connect to the resonance of the JOY vibration (how it feels) you expand it until you are JOY (if only for an instance). These are beautiful practices and extremely powerful, but …
What if you can not or do not know how to feel joy? There have been many times in my life that I simply can not tap into the sensation of joy. OK let me get really honest here, I rarely feel JOY when doing these practices. I can emulate joy, I can outwardly express joy, but there are many times that I just do not feel it in my day to day. This happens even if I am remembering something as sacred as the birth of my children, the face of a loved one or any multitude of events that “should” invoke the feeling of joy. The goal to find joy to become JOY eludes me and I find nothing, nada, zip and become void. I gotta ask myself why I am this way and I am banking on the fact that there are many others like me.
Here are a few reasons I think I am this way. I use to pride myself on the fact that I was the calm within the storm. I used this gift to weather some very difficult scenarios in my personal life. This is a great gift if the storm is bringing destruction, but what if the storm is a beautiful display of nature's thunderous power, a downpour of a cleansing rain, a pristine snowfall, or a magical glistening display of ice. These are storms to get emotional about, to dance in, to be in awe of, to laugh and be JOY FILLED about. Somewhere along the way I trained myself not to feel. I became detached. I believe my life's traumas were my educator and taught my emotional system to not feel good or bad. I am sure that all of the Mental Health Therapist out there are ready to jump all over this one !!! What I found to be crazy about this trauma induced state is that when I first recognized and began to do my inner work I was able to feel or summon negative emotions with no effort, but emotions such as Happy, Satisfied, Excited, Contentment or Joy eluded me. I actually felt embarrassed or ashamed of this fact. Not to say that I am not all of those things. I did not or do not walk around like “Debbie Downer” in fact quite the opposite. If you know me, talk to me, live with me, share with me, read or listen to me you know that is not at all my outward appearance. Yet there still is a control switch attached to my JOY button that is not easily flipped.
I have noticed that overtime this emotional encoding of NO FEEL has been transforming, transmuting and transitioning into an “Observer” tendency. As I become more spiritually attuned and embrace the idea that this time space reality is illusionary I have a new kind of detachment. This is not a bad thing at all. The way that it feels or the vibration of this place is one of deep peace or quiet existence. It may look or seem a tad flat or empty to others but I can assure you it is expansive and full. But I am still left questioning what am I supposed to do when asked to summon JOY?
The knowing that has been churning inside is that I believe I have been given the gift of recognizing these results so that I can help others navigate what seems to be a negative set of circumstances and just how to embrace the power of this gift. I know that this sense of emptiness is vastly better than, dread, fear, anger, hate or depression. Within this vacuum or lack of emotions is a divine place of peace. If I can allow myself not to judge and to simply feel the emptiness, I am led to an expansiveness of being. Within that expansiveness rests immense JOY! I may not be directly connected to the normal earthly summoning of joy, but I know, that I know, that I know that within the crystalline silence of my inner being resides my connection to my creator, my connection to all and what once was elusive is now tangible.
Speaking of tangible! I have now come to know that there are 2 things which bring me instantaneous and immense JOY. When I am walking, talking, listening, experiencing, receiving and expressing my life purpose which at this moment happens to be my Reconnective Healing Practice I am overwhelmed by the sense of IMMENSE JOY. I AM JOY! This spills over onto my personal life, professional life, casual life, my everything life! Every single time I place my attention on the frequencies, without fail, I experience love and joy. I do not have to summon, conjure, provoke, dig or pretend. The inter-action (inner-action) with the Reconnective Healing Frequencies is my re-connection to my knowing or the remembering that I AM LOVE and I AM JOY.
I know, I said 2 … did anyone say let's go for a motorcycle ride?
This past Friday, as I performed a Reconnective Healing session, I watched my client well up with emotion as she said “it feels like JOY” which I, in return said, “Immense JOY” and we tried.
On my way home from that session I was informed that a loved one had attempted to take his life, was unconscious and in the ICU. Now my family had been thrust into the “week of suicide”! Where is JOY now? Where did it go, why could these people not know, experience, feel, receive, express and / or embrace joy? Had the heaviness of our earthly emotional body become too much for them?
I have come to know that if my attention is placed on the illusion of our world it can become too heavy a burden to carry. When I can only see, perceive or experience fear, hate, disillusionment it is very hard to find joy. I know too well this space of hopelessness. Mental illness is a dis-ease like other diseases and a disconnect from our innate perfection. Finding help is the first step to unraveling the web. I promise you that there is hope and there is a way back to JOY.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.
One more note: I also know and accept that I am a part of the creation of this earthly illusion, which has created this deep depression that some find themselves in. For my part in this illusion I call on the law of forgiveness and share the gift of ho'oponopono.
Rob, Kate, Anthony, their friends and family- I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me and I thank you. -Me