It kills you. Sometimes slow, sometimes in one go but depression kills you. It is like a shadow that follows you everywhere. Sometimes it walks near you, behind you, or ahead of you. It keeps lurking around – looking for one chance to overpower you completely. When it does that – you have only two options: to run or let it gobble you up.
While people will comment that battling depression, or running from it is easy. Some will say you should have helped or some will keep irrelevant advice without understanding the gravity of a person going through depression.
When a person is depressed, he / she can not think of anything. Entire world when full of roses or thorns feet unsafe and suffocated.
I can say because I survived it. Surviving depression does not mean, you can not fall back. In fact, as psychologists say, a person who is once diagnosed with depression can go back into it as many times as possible. It stays with you forever.
The wave of depression came and went like seasons. It made me itchy sometimes, edgy on other days, cold and heartless for a short period, emotional and vulnerable for some days, and numb mostly. I can do nothing to help myself during those pangs of depression. I feel lost, suffocated, and alienated. Even the smallest wound is enough to throw me into depression, make me feel sick and tired even though I am basically all right.
I stay in my bed most of the days. I avoid meeting people. I feel gloomy, out of the place, and out of sync with everything around me. I become aloof. I became that side of myself that people hate. They are shameful of me and taunt me for being useless. And, yes, I do become a useless object. Because when I'm in depression, I look at myself from other people's eye. They become my mirror. When reflection screams at you that, you are unworthy and unloved – how will you survive?
… when you do not have reason to survive, you do get suicidal thoughts. The endless sleepless nights are favorite. They empower you with extra loneliness, helplessness, and suffocation. They complicate your being and uproot you from your core.
Coming back from there is not easy. When you lose your loved one untimely, when you fail yourself or your family, or when you are constantly harassed or for any reason – people do fall in depression.
It is not easy to be a point where you hate your being or your survival. Fighting it is not easy or glamorous as it sounds. It is in fact; a journey, you have to strive alone.
Because who will believe you are in a depression? My family will ridicule me if I tell them I'm in depression. The obvious question would be, “But why? You have everything, a person can possibly want!”
Having everything on hand does not suffice. I wish society would be more helpful in accepting people suffering from mental issues. What as a society we forget is the conditioning, love, safety, and security – any human should get. When there is no mentally comfortable environment, there is no healthy individual. There is simple mental issues and illness. Everywhere!
Bring the change. Learn to provide an environment that is mentally healthy for children and adults.